Why Being Happy Is Boring

Why are sad songs trendier than happy music? Why do we feel a magnetic pull towards heartbreaking lyrics? Is it because we relate to them on a deeper level? Is it because we heal when we listen to them? Or is it because they are more groundbreaking than the happy ones? 

Like most emotions, joy is contagious. When we see a baby smile, we smile. If a stranger makes a funny laugh inside a train car, we get the urge to laugh too. And given the chance to choose who we want to surround ourselves with, we are likely to pick bright people because they radiate positive energy. We love the concept of love. We are suckers for happy endings. For the heroes to save the day. But can we honestly, wholeheartedly say that we like to listen to happy stories? All the time?

The downside of a seemingly flawless narrative is that people find a difficult time connecting with it. At best, it’s inspiring. At worst, it’s condescending. Sharing a huge personal win is like walking on delicate egg shells – you have to be really careful with each step forward. Broadcasting your successes to people not on the same totem pole with you will make you sound braggy. Cultivating a perfect image of yourself will not probably help you gain admirers. Instead, it will likely brood resentments from them. Because perfect is somehow synonymous to unrealistic. There’s something suspicious about being happy in every waking moment.

Of course, it’s not wrong to be happy. In fact, I think we must all try to be happy as much as we can. We must soak into happy moments for as long as we can. But the truth is, happiness is boring. And sometimes, people just don’t want to hear it. Not because their envious of your joy. Not because they don’t want you to experience the highs of life. And certainly not because they are terrible human beings. Sometimes people are disinterested about your ephemeral bliss for the simple reason that there is nothing juicy about it.

Happiness, for most part, is already the end goal. It’s the destination. The pit-stop of the journey. Once this point has been reached, there is usually nothing more to add to it. Nobody can no longer suggest or give advice on how to be happy when you are already happy. It’s almost impossible to find an alternative or replacement to what you’re celebrating for in that given moment. Happiness is as dull as a Monday afternoon. And that’s why only few people write about it, and openly express it without appearing like a complete moron.

They say a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. There’s a million of articles, of movies, of songs, and of books about pain. Because unlike happiness, misery is predominantly understandable and transformable. You can put your shoes in it. You can say something about it. At the same time, you can turn tragedy into fortune. If you try hard enough, you can replace sadness with happiness. The element of redemption is what makes people stop, listen, and care about what you have to say. Because unlike happiness, there is still a battle to be won in someone’s sorrow.

Happiness is boring. Contrary to what this world sells us, happiness is not loud. It’s not flashy and showy. It’s not in-your-face. If someone expresses their happiness too loudly, too showy, they are really not happy on the inside. They just want you to ‘think’ that they are happy. Which is probably worse than the opposite. Happiness is not exciting. So is contentment. So is peace of mind. Happiness occurs in quiet times. Happiness happens in small moments. Like when you read a book while it rains outside. When you catch someone looking at you like you are the most special person in the world. Happiness is when you feel the sun hits your skin early in the morning. When you manage to save a few pennies in a week. When you reflect on the previous years and it dawns on you that you have made it this far. These are the moments that are not necessarily life-changing, but they do make our hearts beat a certain way. Without a doubt, they help us produce endorphins. And often, these tiny memories are what ultimately give meaning to our lives.  

The big milestones we achieve are mostly what we remember when we look back. They, too, make us very joyful. But the danger of relying heavily on humongous events to make us all smiley is that there is a chance we will eternally wait for happy days.  We will find it difficult to convince ourselves that we are satisfied unless something better comes along. We will only reserve our feelings of serenity once we hit a momentous level or stage in our journey. Unfortunately, waiting for better days is both an unideal and unsustainable way to attain optimal experiences.

I am no happiness expert. I have not done any hard-hitting research on the topic of bliss. But just like you, I am a human being too. I have sunny days and gloomy days. What I’m interested in maximizing, though, is for the bright moments to stretch longer than the dark ones. To figure out a way on how to be happy in a simpler, easier, and clearer manner. I believe that contentment is accessible to all of us. However, the question that is worth asking is: at what lengths do we go to achieve it? We can go big and out of our way. We can do something grandeur. But I think the happiness that lasts is the one that is simple. It is the one that can be incorporated in our day-to-day lives. If the steps to realizing happiness is less complicated, the more likely we can easily catch it on the palm of our hands.

A happy story is nice. It warms us on the inside. But it’s not that impacting. What we prefer are stories of redemption. What we like to hear is character development over someone who is happy all the time. We want the drama. We want the spice. We don’t just like to know that a person is happy; we want to know that they struggle and persevere to pursue the la-la land of happiness. This is why, I think, happiness is boring. Because it’s flat. Because it’s simple. Because sometimes people don’t want to know about it.

But happiness is still worth chasing. For us to appreciate our lives, we need bliss. And though it’s not necessary to share it for it to become real, our happiness is still valid whether or not it’s known by others. Our happiness is still the same, and perhaps better, when it’s not loud, showy, and shiny.